Thursday, February 16, 2006

Everyone's a critic

There are so many critics out there on that new-fangled internet-machine. Who needs Roeper when anyone can post comments on Amazon.com?

Please join us for The Ubiquitous Observer's Amazon.com DVD Review Round-Up:

GONE WITH THE WIND
"Why is this still around? This movie is so boring... What is it? A love story? Could've fooled me, because I thought it was a sleeping aid."

Zing!

STEPHEN KING'S IT
"Stephen King is the best storyteller of the last 300 years. Although the movies don't do the books justice, IT is still one of the best things I've ever seen. You will NEVER forget this movie."

Like to see that on a book/movie cover.

PLANET OF THE APES
"Arguably the best movie ever made. Absolute brilliance. Its a real pity all those sequels were made, because nothing matches the first one. One of the only movies worth watching more than once."

Couldn't agree more.

HE-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE - Season One, Volume 1 (Collector's Edition)
"He-Man and the Masters of the Universe - Season One, Volume 1 (Collector's Edition) is a great selection of cartoons. The cartoons are good for adults and great for children. The He-Man and the Masters of the Universe - Season One, Volume 1 cartoons teach viewers ( especially young children ) important things in life. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe - Season One, Volume 1 (Collector's Edition) is wonderful and entertaining. I highly recommend He-Man and the Masters of the Universe - Season One, Volume 1 (Collector's Edition)!"

Wait. What are you reviewing? We forgot. Can you repeat that?

THUNDERCATS: A NEW BEGINNING
"I Was 7 when this was on TV and my mind is still blown away"

So sorry to hear that.

MONSTER'S BALL
"Halle Barre won an oscar for this piece of garbage? I almost vomited while watching this horrible piece of trash. Its movies like this that promote evil immorality in this country. To think that anyone would even insult their intelligence like I did by watching and endorsing things like this is beyond me. Barre's performance is totally unwatchable, but then the entire movie is unwatchable. I watched it out of pure curiosity and regretted it. It only proved one thing to me.....that movies like this are why I stick with the classics. May God forgive me for even thinking about watching such a low class, evil production. I'm sure satan had a hand in the success of this movie as this is the kind of stuff he thrives upon."

Hm. Quite.

And finally:

JEM: THE COMPLETE FIRST AND SECOND SEASONS
"Jem is a new sensation. Jem is my name no one else is the same Jem. I love her. I wanted to be her."

Seriously. Who needs Roeper?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Give us this day our daily PB sandwiches

Picked up a RedEye to read on the train today. Paged through it. Felt dirty afterwards. Washed ink off hands with vigor of Pilate, Lady Macbeth. Would call RedEye spiritual heir to Chicago Tribune's old Kid News section from early '90s, but worried about damaging reputations of spirits, heirs, kids, and news.

RedEye in fact spiritually, intellectually bankrupt. Promotes vapid snarkiness, sophomoric punditry, and the consumption of sugary alcoholic beverages that cost as much as a month's worth of peanut butter sandwiches (made with natural peanut butter and wheat bread). A publication that advocates subduing one's aching lonely soul with entertainment gossip, alcohol and "partying" (that inevitably leads to regrettable contact with a stranger's genitals) perpetuates unhappiness and diverts the public's attention from more noble, useful, or nutricious and delicious pursuits, a la peanut butter sandwiches.

Peanut butter on whole wheat bread is a complete protein and packed with fiber and healthy fats. And did we mention it is much more satisfying than flirting with strangers in bars? But peanut butter does not sell papers. Even if those papers are free. Sex sells, as they say.

So who pays for the paper? The advertisers: dating services, bars and clubs. And what are they really selling? The readers of RedEye. Human trafficking, even of this sort, is disagreeable.

Listen to Pope Benedict XVI:

The contemporary way of exalting the body is deceptive. Eros, reduced to pure "sex", has become a commodity, a mere "thing" to be bought and sold, or rather, man himself becomes a commodity. This is hardly man's great "yes" to the body. On the contrary, he now considers his body and his sexuality as the purely material part of himself, to be used and exploited at will. Nor does he see it as an arena for the exercise of his freedom, but as a mere object that he attempts, as he pleases, to make both enjoyable and harmless. Here we are actually dealing with a debasement of the human body: no longer is it integrated into our overall existential freedom; no longer is it a vital expression of our whole being, but it is more or less relegated to the purely biological sphere. The apparent exaltation of the body can quickly turn into a hatred of bodiliness. Christian faith, on the other hand, has always considered man a unity in duality, a reality in which spirit and matter compenetrate, and in which each is brought to a new nobility. True, eros tends to rise "in ecstasy" towards the Divine, to lead us beyond ourselves; yet for this very reason it calls for a path of ascent, renunciation, purification and healing.

Read the complete Encyclical, Deus Caritas Est at the Vatican website.